I Release Control

I Release Control
Cantor Jenna Pearsall

This week on Days of Our Lives: Jacob gives Joseph a technicolor tunic. Vivid dreams impact real-world sibling rivalry. A murder is staged and Joseph is kidnapped to Egypt. And did I mention all of that happens in just one chapter of Torah? Tune in next week for even more drama! There’s a lot to unpack in this unfolding of events in Joseph’s life, but the one that got me thinking the most as I was reading was this seemingly quick cessation of terrible events that Joseph endures, in one chapter of the Torah alone, in which he has little to no control over the outcome. First, Joseph is chosen as the favorite son by his father, Jacob, who adorns him in an ornamented tunic, the new clothing fueling his brothers’ jealousy and hatred. Let me tell you, there was “Loathing. Unadulterated loathing. For his face, his voice, his clothing, let’s just say: they loathed it all!” OK I’m sorry, I know that was cheesy, I just had to incorporate Wicked in some way or another while I have the chance!

Joseph soon begins to have vivid dreams which he shares with his brothers, in which their sheaves of wheat bow down to his, and another dream in which his subconscious takes it to another level of ego, the stars and the moon bowing down to him. The brothers immediately start conspiring to kill Joseph, throwing him into a pit and ultimately deciding to stage his murder while actually selling him into slavery in Egypt. In the ensuing chapters, Joseph is framed for adultery by Potiphar’s wife and placed in prison.

In essence, Joseph’s life has become a downward spiral out of control. He descends into a literal pit, thrown in by his own brothers, and then descends further to Egypt, for in the Torah you descend to Egypt but ascend to the land of Israel. Now a slave in Egypt, he continues the descent to prison, jailed when Joseph was just trying to do the right thing. I think all of this warrants a hearty OY VEY! Things are really dire for Joseph, yet we never really get his side of the story or his reaction to these events. We never hear him cry out in despair or lash out at the people doing this to him, or hear Joseph yell a ‘why me?’ into the abyss. I know if it were me I would definitely do all of the above! So why didn’t Joseph react negatively to his circumstances? I would wager it’s because in each of these moments throughout his downfall, the Torah is clear to lay out that God was with him. When Joseph went to Egypt, it’s said that Potiphar knew that Adonai was with him, so he took a liking to him and made him his personal attendant. When Joseph was thrown in prison, the Torah states that Adonai was with him even there, causing those around him to show him kindness, and he used that connection with God to help someone else interpret their own dreams. Joseph has chosen to dwell in the discomfort of lacking control over his situation, trusting in God to guide him to where he needs to be.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of want to have Joseph as my life coach. Not having control over a situation is frightening. It’s uncomfortable for us dwelling in the unknown, feeling unmoored and like life is happening TO us. Some days, it feels like the hits just keep coming, and sometimes we are unable to control the outcome. This is something I personally struggle with and I know I am not alone. Whether it’s sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, knowing I am going to be late to an important appointment due to circumstances beyond my control. Or sitting on a flight, knowing that my life is in a stranger’s hands as I’m hurtling through the sky towards my destination, gripping the armrests to feel some degree of control over my body. When we have these experiences, tension builds up in our bodies, worry begins to take over, our minds go to extremes, often envisioning the worst. In moments such as these, I have learned to breathe through the discomfort, reminding myself that God is with me just as God was with Joseph. The Or HaChayyim teaches that God flows through a person to the degree that they are open to that presence within themselves, which means that Joseph had an openness to God’s divine flow through him in these particularly challenging moments. This flowing of the divine in turn protected him from the true evil he was experiencing.

Music can also be a medium for achieving that sense of calm, quieting our anxieties and centering our hearts and minds. The National Institute of Health states that music organizes our emotions and that it has a tremendous impact on our cognitive and emotional systems. In their article they state that “Music automatically awakens us, arouses us and engenders specific emotions in us, which in turn modulates and controls many cognitive functions.” Reading what the Or Hachayim had to say about our openness to the shechinah, it reminded me of a song that I consistently listen to on repeat when I no longer feel in control of my situation. It’s a mantra that repeats, and if I can be so bold, I want to teach it to you now. This is a song I shared with my patients that I worked with when I was a chaplain in a Manhattan hospital, and it can really help when life feels too chaotic. As we sing it, you can add whatever harmonies come to mind, and as we sing the words, think of any negativity that you are holding onto that you are hoping to release. The words you’ll need are in your order of service, and once you get the hang of the melody, I invite you to join me.

I release control, and surrender to the flow, of love, that will heal me.

I release control.